I’ve written mostly about the physical pain and recovery of 2018’s car accident.  Quite honestly, overcoming the mental toll was much more difficult.  The first 18 months after the accident might have taken me to some of the darkest moments I can remember, but I’ll never regret the journey.  My major physical improvements began to occur after changing my mindset.

2017 was likely the busiest and most stressful year of my entire career, plus managed through the deaths of two very close friends, deaths a few other friends and several former co-workers.  All of these folks left this planet way too young.

Enter 2018…New year, fresh start.  And just like that, the car accident in January.  Also in January, corporate acquisition of my employer by a much larger company.  2018 was shaping to be just as busy as 2017, inside and outside of work.

From work a standpoint, I was leaving a small-sized company to work for a corporate giant.  I was ready for the challenge, but also knew it would be a year of learning a new company culture and building relationships with new co-workers; plus, all the travel to do so.  I knew there would be months (and years) of consolidating systems, standardizing best practices and implementing new policies.  And finally, I knew I would need to work extra hard to keep employees engaged during times of change an uncertainty.  Again, I was up for the challenge.  This was not my first rodeo.

I worked late the evening of January 3 preparing a presentation for the new bosses; and then the car accident occurred 3 blocks away from the office.  Welcome to 2018.

I would soon begin a cadence of at least 3 doctor appointments per week lasting 1.5 to 2 hours each.  I’ve written about Kansas’ insurance laws for car accidents in the past, so I won’t go into many details.  To sum it up, my car insurance covered the first $4,500.  After crossing that amount, I would be required to sue the driver’s insurance company to pay my bills.  The dude blew a .30!  He was nearly 4 times the legal limit, yet I have to hire an attorney?  Anyways, this meant I had to begin meeting with my attorney on a regular basis.  I had to document every single penny spent related to the accident.  I was pulling thousands of dollars out of savings on a regular basis to pay medical bills.  I had a 5-figure unpaid chiropractor bill on a lien, growing by the week.  I had to journal every single day about my pain levels, document any activities I did that day as well as any limitations.  Eventually it became clear that I needed more than just seeing the chiropractor, so off to an orthopedic.  I began physical therapy a few months later; he gave may daily exercises to complete.  I was also exploring any alternative options, such as stem cell therapy in South America.  I wasn’t giving up; I was trying everything possible.  I purchased several “as seen on tv” gadgets, such as Dr. Hoe’s belt and the copper waist belt.  We bought a new mattress set.  And then another new mattress set.  And then went back to the original replacement.  More madness.  I exhausted myself to burnout, physically and mentally.  I had become a zombie by November. 

The constant busy state was taking its toll, and the pain wasn’t getting any better.  My temperament was impacted.  My overall attitude was poor.  I was constantly tired and mentally drained.  I was tired of talking to billing depts at medical clinics.  I was tired of playing phone tag with my attorney while juggling around my work schedule to accommodate doctors’ appointments.  The worst part of all:  I realized I was forming a victim’s mentality.  I had to snap out of this quick.

Three events occurred to reset my mind:

1. December 2018:  I set my recovery plan, which I’ve written about many times.  I’d continue work through the doctors’ plans for a few months, then try epidural shots and if that didn’t work, stop doctor appointments all together.  I would eventually consider surgery (mainly to satisfy my attorney) but I never really planned to go through with it.  Beyond the physical rehab plan, I set a goal to take what happened and flip it around.  How do I make something positive out of this experience?  The idea for this blog was formed that day.  I have since decided to pursue an instructor certification for DDP Yoga, but the seed was planted in December 2018.  I had to make this horrific experience count for something.  
2. April 2019:  We started attending a new church and the topic of an early series early was on anxiety.  My anxiety had been slowly burning for several years and then accelerated over 2018.  I was a daily user of Xanax yet regretted the need to do so.  I paid close attention to every word in each sermon and read all of the scriptures.  I put a daily reminder on my phone with a message to read Philippians 4:4-8.  I would re-read this scripture multiple times during extremely difficult days, often times followed with a short prayer.  Shout out to Pastor Rob Danz for this amazing series. Praise God for this.
3. May 2019:  I found relief and peace with the “permanent injury” diagnosis.  I knew the process of doctor appointments was over.  I knew I would focus on my own recovery plan since epidural shots did not work out.  My recovery focus would shift to cryotherapy 3-4 times per week and DDP Yoga 4-5 times per week.  I set goals beyond recovery, such as qualifying for the Boston Marathon and running a 50-mile Ultra marathon.  These large goals would help push me through the smaller ones. 

Each of these 3 events reduced my anxiety and returned me from the dark side.  I’m thankful for the journey.  Life is a struggle with many storms that will occur to everyone at some point or another.  Now, just imagine where I’d be if I didn’t get off the couch.  What if I let that victims mentally continue to build?  Or perhaps, if I avoided putting in the work?  Yikes.

2020 was a difficult year for everyone (some more so than others), but I’ve felt at peace while navigating through the pandemic. I know my experiences through the car accident helped prepare me to weather the COVID-19 storm better than I probably would have if 2020 would have occurred in 2015.

Go get it.