MRI results show 8 different things wrong with my back and neck.  Of the 8, damage done to my L4, L5 and S1 give me the most problems.  It always hurts.  Daily.  It hurts at this moment.  It will briefly intensity in just a moment when I stand up.  My day will start with pain while trying to get out of bed until I lie down for bed.  It happens, but I am pretty much used to it at this point.  I feel better after working out and I feel a lot better after cryotherapy.  I wish I didn’t have to work so hard to alleviate pain each day.  It pisses me off, but I use it as my motivation. It won’t define me, in fact, I’m working harder than I ever have been to get in the best shape of my life.  But how so I deal with the constant pain?  Well, let me tell you what I won’t do.

First off, I am going to keep being me.  I am going to get back to doing things I want to do.  If i let the drunk driver who a truck me bring me down, I’ll just sot around sorry for myself doing nothing.  That’s not me.  I work hard and play hard.  3 hour workouts are part of how I work hard but often, challenges make it feel like I am playing hard. These injuries are not allowed to slow me down.  Not now, not ever.  And I am managing the pain much better now that I am consistently working out again. 

Now let’s get to the other thing I won’t do. 

My physician prescribed me some pain pills days after the accident.  I filled the prescription and took it home. 

I stared at the bottle for a few minutes.  Should I actually take one?  What if I’m strong enough not to use then?

My only experience with pain pills was a 1-week supply after gall-bladder removal surgery.  I definitely needed them for the first few days to mitigate the incision pain.  I didn’t even finish the supply before moving on.  My brain starts second guessing the purchase of this bottle.  I started wonder how long I will be in pain, knowing it will be much longer than my gall-bladder surgery.  What if I got hooked?

I’ve known too many people who were personally impacted by someone close to them addicted.  Deaths, divorces and other devastation.  I don’t need that. 

I’m so thankful that I decided not to open that bottle.  It’s been so long that I can’t even recall how I disposed it. 

I will have this pain my whole life.  I did have 3 epidural shots (infused with steroids and cortisone) as one of my last efforts to reach 100% recovery.  It was the only pharmaceutical option that I’ve tried and it didn’t even work.  I won’t use any pharmaceutical for this recover. 

What am I doing?  Well, that’s a lot of what this blog is about.  I am getting in the best physical shape of my life.  If every part of my body is stronger than it is now, my back will be better supported.  Every crunch, every squat, every minute of DDP Yoga is for one thing only:  make everything else strong.  It is simple as that. 

Driven Beast